Archive | October 2012

Just Because. This Is How I Sleep

I get a chuckle when I hear the results of sleep studies. You know, the ones that based on sleeping positions your personality can be judged/guessed.

OK, fine I suppose that’s interesting.

But keeping in mind that I like to find the “other” side to pretty much anything here are my thoughts.

The Yearner Position:

  • That’s a partial fetal position with your arms straight out in front of you, hands together. The study says this person is chasing their dreams.

My alternate description:

  • Your spouse/partner takes up more than their share of the bed – you’re “fighting” back to re-claim your territory.

The Log Position:

  • That’s sleeping straight on your side – nothing bent (i.e. knees, arms). The study says this is the result of a completely rigid personality – no flexibility.

My alternate description:

  • You’re sleeping in tight quarters. OR you’ve finally found that comfortable spot and you don’t want to lose it. Maybe your knee hurts when you bend it?

The Free Fallers Position:

  • This is lying on your stomach with both arms up – hands bracketing your head. Like free falling with a parachute. This person feels they have NO control over their life.

My alternate description:

  • You are so tired that since that’s how you fell into bed, that’s where you are until you move. Or your shoulder hurts too much to lie on your side (one of my reasons of late.)

The Warrior Position:

  • That’s sleeping in a fetal position – all curled up. The study says this is the most comfortable position and shows complete comfort with life.

My alternate description:

  • Your spouse/partner has stolen all the sheets/blankets and you’re cold!!! Or there’s the “I’m pregnant and this is the only way I can lie in bed!” answer for the fetal position.

I noticed they didn’t mention the folks who lie on their backs. They never seem to discuss the folks who lie in a sort of oblique position lying on side with the “top leg” bent and knee touching the mattress and opposite arm tucked behind you. Or the just so tuckered out you’ll sleep in any position, position.

As for me, I don’t seem to stay in any one position – more the toss and turn type until I get the optimum spot. By then I generally have to get up and go to the bathroom and my body doesn’t remember that perfect position. Dang!!!

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Always Thank a Toddler For That Gift

Well things (financially) have been seriously tight for us, so I took on a part-time job. There’s a “trick” to life – you have to find happiness/fun – it doesn’t just magically appear – and sometimes it can be in the strangest situations.

My part time job is in retail. I work at one of those large grocery/general merchandise stores – no not Walmart. I work in the merchandise section and there are interesting things and people there!

Just for some examples there’s the:

  • need to test bounce balls – all the way through the store
  • need to play “football” with the sanitary napkin packages
  • need to “shoot hoops” to get the tested balls back in to the tall display – nope can’t put the ball back the way you got it out (between bungee cords), where’s the fun in that?
  • need to test spray paint colors – on the wall/floor
  • need to really make a person’s job interesting – leave packages of food all over the store, if it’s something that will smell bad after a couple of hours all the better
  • need to accept what toddlers give you

Now how do I handle some of this? Well it more or less depends on the entire situation. For those of you who know me – generally humor is the way to go.

That test bouncing thing. Well, one time I was in an aisle putting a toy away when all of a sudden a ball came flying over the top of the shelving. It just missed me. Really??!! Just as I picked it up a boy came running around the end of the aisle immediately apologizing. I told him that this is why test bouncing isn’t always a good idea. His Mother came around the corner apologizing saying it’s all her fault. I could tell they were sincere – so humor kicked in. I put my hands on my hips and said yes, it sure is. Then wagged my finger and said you’re grounded young lady! Her other son had rounded the corner as I said this. The 1st boy’s eye grew wide, his brother put his hand over his mouth so his Mom wouldn’t hear him laugh. She looked at me, realized that I was being funny apologized again, she and her son picked up what got knocked down while all of us were laughing.

The unruly teenage boys playing football? Well, yes they made a mess and wouldn’t listen to one of my co-workers – she’s their age. Then I asked, “Really guys? Aren’t you, big for being 7?” They stopped what they were doing, apologized, picked up the packages of pads and put them back. (Unfortunately they went through the rest of the store causing trouble – can’t fix them all)

We also take calls from outside the store. I was helping this older woman who was asking all kinds of questions about what was on sale in the beauty department. Yes, it was a busy time in the store. But I didn’t mind taking the time to help her. Part way into our conversation she said “I’m sorry to bother, I know you folks are busy, but I can’t get to the store unless someone brings me and I don’t want to waste their time.” She had recently suffered a stroke and lost the vision in one eye. She wanted to know about some of the sale items because she is getting things together for Christmas. She wants to thank all the folks who have been helping her. But then we got to the “What’s this John Frieda stuff? I really don’t know what it is. I don’t know – please don’t be offended – what white folks use in their hair.” After chuckling a bit (it was hard not to actually laugh hard at this one) I told her it depends – some of us have such problems with frizzing that scissors might be a good thing. But I helped her out and gave her some suggestions.

I have even learned a valuable lesson. When a toddler hands you a bottle of nail polish like she’s giving you a gift – you make a big fuss about saying thank you and this is very pretty. Do not let her see you put it away! Well, actually I already knew that, I just wasn’t expecting her to watch me for as long as she did!

I may not be happy about the reason for having the part time job, but there is some fun involved. Just have to enjoy it when it happens – just like anything else in life.

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last???

The other day a friend of mine posted a picture on facebook of a guy sitting behind 4 or 5 bottles of men’s cologne. The statement on the picture said, Nope these don’t work.

Well, being “me” I commented that it was because some men spray it on too heavy. The reply from someone else really concerned me.

The dude is right. Most of the guys don’t stand a chance, being normal and nice is a curse. Every woman secretly dreams about a bastard, tall, dark hair, slaps her at least 1x a day and she will be in heaven… and he won’t even need to shower or shave…

YIKES!!!

I wonder, am I abnormal? I know I am a woman. Never have I dreamt of that kind of guy. EVER. No, I didn’t dream of a prince on a white horse either.

I wonder, should I have said most women don’t stand a chance either? Because every man not so secretly wants an empty-headed Barbie to say yes to everything he says. Should I have said that men want their women to be constantly ready for sex AND clean the house AND cook all the meals at the same time?

Two men in my life gave me their opinions. My husband said he was the nice guy all through high school – not one girlfriend. After he graduated he decided to act aloof – he got a lot of interested women wanting him. (Hmm, he’s always been the nice guy with me – from the start)

Then his brother said the reason why men want the “empty-headed Barbie” is because look at how women are portrayed in ads and on TV/movies – and women allow that. So, men think that if that’s how women want to be seen then why wouldn’t men desire that type of woman? (And, by the way – Kim treated you differently because you are different – in a good way)

We’ve all at one time or another had to deal with the opposite sex not knowing where our eyes are. Not being able to look past a specific level for conversations. (I even had guys licking their lips while looking at my chest and talking – eeewwww!)

I suppose it’s too much to wish that people would grow up and treat each other as people and not play things. Remember as you get older looks fade then where are you?

So share – what do you think? Is normal and nice a curse? Do you dream of a bastard? Do you dream of that trophy woman who doesn’t think?

(picture found on Google Images)