To plug along, cave in or kick butt. Some days this is, truly, my thought process. Occasionally a fear kicks in.
Years ago there was a movie released called Charly and it was based on the book Flowers for Algernon. (According to Wikipedia many schools and libraries have banned the book because of the radical ideas for mental treatment.) For those of you who are younger than me, the basic story is about a man who is mentally handicapped and strives to do better. He goes to night school to learn but he can’t retain the information. He can’t even spell/write his own name properly. He’s introduced to two scientists working on improving mental ability – they’ve had success with a mouse (Algernon). The rest of the movie shows how Charly improves, does amazing things (including an increased sense of self-esteem) only to end up back to where he was when this all started.
Why do I mention this?
Well, there are times when I feel like Charly – near the end of the story. There are times when I feel I’ve lost something. I feel I should know something and I just can’t grasp the meaning and learn it. (Not good when you have a business.)
I do know that it’s in relation to my meds and my seizures. I know that the combination doesn’t exactly improve brain function. But it is incredibly frustrating. I mean I should know… I used to know…
Fortunately the feeling doesn’t last long. But it is irritating and depressing. It sometimes takes me a bit to get past the feeling. I mean, geez I know I have the skills to do a thing, especially when I’ve been successfully doing that (whatever it is) for a long time. I can learn and I do continue to learn – I do not always stay within my “safety” range.
You might be thinking, um Liz, aren’t you being a little melodramatic here? Well, since I’m no where near to being on the level of the character Charly, it was the best analogy I could come up with to describe how I feel sometimes. Hell, to even type in this blog where potential clients could read this – scares me. It does take a lot for anyone to “fess up” to feelings and fears. It is important to know and remember – everyone has a fear of some sort. Fears are very real things, the trick is not to let them run/ruin our lives.
So dear reader, I truly hope you learn to face your fear – whatever it may be and not allow it to run your life.
Oh by the way – I saw the movie as a re-run. When it was released in 1968 I was too young to watch it then.