Tag Archive | frustrations

Frustration – a Real Pain in the Heart

frustration-babyOK, there are many reasons to be/feel frustrated. I acknowledge that. But I’m going to be selfish here and write about what’s been going on with me, perhaps you can relate to part of this. I know that I have written about “generic” frustration, I’ve talked about depression, but never from my own view, what I am truly experiencing.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have epilepsy, its onset was in 1991. To explain part of my current frustration, I feel the need to explain what I had/how often I had seizures. You see, my first seizure was in 1991. That was it, one seizure. It was felt that my blood sugar had dropped drastically and an unusual amount of stress was piled on top. A couple of years went by, (I wasn’t on any medication, not seeing a neurologist) and WHAM, I had my second seizure two years later.

Long story short, this one seizure then a couple of years go by then one seizure routine went on for years and all of my seizures are full-blown grand-mal. While yes, this was frustrating, it wasn’t enough to affect my daily thoughts/life. In 2005 my favorite job (of all time) went away. The company merged with another and I was no longer needed. The next job I found I enjoyed, but the stress that went with it was overwhelming. Then in 2006 I had my record number of seizures – eleven with days when I had multiple in one day. Now while this is nothing to many serious cases of epilepsy, this drastic of a change in my condition made my neurologist concerned. I made the employees of the company I was working for at the time very nervous; to the point where they finally got me to leave. In 2007 I underwent in hospital testing for a month at a time. The first was with electrodes on my skull. The second was with electrodes on my brain (obviously required 2 surgeries), and a lot of pain.

OK. On to my “current” frustration (and being completely honest – about everything).

I haven’t had a job since 2007. Well, I did work part-time for a local store for a short time but like many retail situations, the income wasn’t enough. It being a union store and I was getting a form of insurance, the company was taking around 40-45% of my check. That’s not enough to help with the bills. There’s a major source of depression/frustration just in that alone. I have been an administrative assistant for years, and at the urging of people I trust, I officially started my business of being a virtual assistant in 2009. I enjoy working with my clients, but there isn’t enough to do to keep me busy – busy enough to make money. I’ve discovered that I’m more of a “worker bee” and not really an entrepreneur. There’s nothing wrong with that, many businesses need on-site support staff.

Since 2011, about the time my biggest client re-vamped her business and cut back on a lot of things – like virtual staff – I have been looking for a full-time job. The idea was to be working, having a stable income then build my business from a different angle.

Then WHAM! My husband was diagnosed with tonsil cancer in 2011. He was treated and, thank God, has been cancer-free since September of 2011! Since then I have been looking for full-time work, although I have dropped the search once in a while. But this year I started in earnest looking for work. I’d get interviews for jobs that I really wanted, but then I’d get the “thank you for your interest, but we’ve chosen to go with a different candidate.” Or the “While your credentials are excellent, we’ve chosen a…” I even had a client that had the potential to be a permanent job; the company owner changed his mind – over the objection of the department and department head I was working with.

Am I asking for too much???

While there have been many highs and lows since 2005 (seemingly more lows), I do thank God for the positives:

  • count blessingsI have been seizure-free since 2007
  • My husband does not have cancer
  • Even though we had to file for bankruptcy, we still have our home
  • I am physically able to hold a job – and I truly want one
  • Family and Friends
  • That I’m alive

I am doing my utmost to not scream at God/the Universe. For you see, I have been positive (for the most part) that what I want is mine. The job I want, (which by the way allows for me to be the main income and my husband can go to part-time something) with worries down to a minimum.

So, as I typically answer people, because I really believe I’m going with: the Sun is shining, Life is good.

(A BIG winning lottery ticket wouldn’t hurt either.)

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Stuff in Life

It’s a fact of life – stuff happens. You just can’t avoid it. So, what do you do? You work with it, around it or right on through it. But don’t ever completely give up.

I’m one of those people who has tried my best to help others – even if it’s to just listen. I’ve never been one who’s big on asking for help. No, I don’t think I’m above everyone else. I have always figured that no matter what’s going on with me – there’s always someone who has it worse.

Well, I suppose that’s all fine and dandy. But what happens when I really do need help? Or what do YOU do if you’re a similar personality-type and you find you need help?

I’m learning (grudgingly) to ask for help – in very small increments. I will admit, because it’s important to be honest, that I haven’t told anyone close to me what’s going on – how I feel. But for you dear reader, I’m respectfully asking you to find someone to talk with. Don’t hold it in, nothing good can come from holding in your stresses and frustrations.

OK, so there will be times when it seems no one is available to talk with. If that’s the case, then one way to vent the stress is to “talk” with yourself. Yes, I know this sounds a bit strange but hear me out. I have found that if I free write either by hand or type on my computer, this simple act releases those “toxins” and helps ease some of my tensions. If I write in a journal I can keep it to look back on and say – Wow things sure have improved a lot since then!

Then after you’ve written out your frustrations, perhaps someone you trust is now available to get you out of the house, get you “away” for a bit – even if it’s only for an hour. One good thing I’ve found about my method – I can release much of the hurt before I talk with who ever and it makes it easier to get to a calmer, better mindset.

So, dear reader, what are some of the ways YOU fight frustrations? Please share – others reading may find your method easier than mine.

Thank You!